"I was 14 ½ weeks pregnant and feeling wonderful. The week before, we had our first ultrasound, the heartbeat was strong.
It was Tuesday, 4/7/2009, and it was the day my twin sister was getting induced with her 2nd baby. Expecting a long day, my mom & I went to lunch with my brother & brother in law. After lunch, we arrived at the labor & delivery room. Our OB had just been in to check on Kate, we just missed him. I used her bathroom. I’ll never forget that moment. I knew, but I was terrified. How could this be happening?
My mom drove me the few blocks away to our OB’s office. She held my hand the whole time. The doctor could not find a heartbeat. He sent us to the hospital for an ultrasound. Back to the hospital we went. My mom was still holding my hand. My husband left work; he was meeting us at the hospital. Imagine that phone call.
We didn’t watch the ultrasound, we couldn’t. We went home, heartbroken and devastated. We had a scheduled D&C the next evening. We spent the next day at the hospital, trying to enjoy our newest nephew, something to keep our minds off of reality. It was the longest day of my life. By midday, I had regular contractions; my body was rejecting our baby. I had no idea what was happening at the time. My mom and husband were with me, holding my hand, and crying while we waited for my surgery. Why was this happening? Why did I have to feel all that pain in addition to the sadness and loss? It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. My husband and mom felt helpless. My dr. came- and took me back for surgery. I had what they call an inevitable miscarriage. In the few weeks following our loss, we learned that our miscarriage was due to a chromosomal abnormality, Complete Trisomy 22. We also learned that it was a boy. We were thankful to have answers.
Over time, I was able to embrace some of the blessings that came from our loss. I am thankful for the perspective, the strength, and the way it has forever changed me as a mother."